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The Cool Greenhouse (album)

by The Cool Greenhouse

  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Available on CD & special Melodic Records edition (limited to 300 copies) on transparent green vinyl, exclusively available through The Cool Greenhouse Bandcamp & Melodic shop.

    Melodic limited copies come with an envelope containing mystery seeds. The first person to germinate their seeds and send the label a picture of their plant will receive the original album cover painting by frontman Tom Greenhouse! The person to grow the tallest plant by the end of the year will receive an exclusive mystery prize.

    - Limited to 300 Copies on transparent green vinyl
    - Red OBI Strip
    - Packet of Cool Greenhouse Mystery Seeds
    - Matt Black Inner Sleeve
    - Reverse board outer sleeve
    - Double-sided 12" insert on matte art paper
    - Download code included

    Includes digital pre-order of The Cool Greenhouse (album). You get 1 track now (streaming via the free Bandcamp app and also available as a high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more), plus the complete album the moment it’s released.
    ... more
    shipping out on or around May 29, 2020
    edition of 300 

      £18 GBP or more 


  • Streaming + Download

    Pre-order of The Cool Greenhouse (album). You get 1 track now (streaming via the free Bandcamp app and also available as a high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more), plus the complete album the moment it’s released.
    Purchasable with gift card
    releases May 29, 2020

      £10 GBP  or more


  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    'The Cool Greenhouse' on CD in card digi-sleeve.

    Includes digital pre-order of The Cool Greenhouse (album). You get 1 track now (streaming via the free Bandcamp app and also available as a high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more), plus the complete album the moment it’s released.
    digital album releases May 29, 2020
    item ships out on or around May 29, 2020

      £10 GBP or more 


Cardboard Man
Life Advice
Dirty Glasses
Smile, Love!
Trojan Horse
Subletters Pt. 2 (Ft. The Shifters)


“The Cool Greenhouse, my new favourite post-everything existential music happening. Hooray!” - Henry Rollins

“The Cool Greenhouse exist in diametric opposition to me and you and our stupid short attention spans.” - The Quietus

Those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, but The Cool Greenhouse are about to shatter glass ceilings with their self-titled debut LP.

Having caused a stir on the underground DIY label circuit with their inimitable, infectious brand of lo-fi post-punk in 2019, The Cool Greenhouse’s debut album shows off a newly developed, fuller sound, taking their signature style to previously unexplored heights while doubling down on their tried and tested formula of angular motoric riffs and no holds barred biting social commentary. The muffled 16-bit drum loops have been replaced with a full kit, the nonchalant vocal delivery has found a new edge and the sparse instrumentation has been augmented by the band’s finally agreeing to leave their bedrooms and enter the studio, yielding a fully-realised vision with fresh clarity and depth that makes their earlier recordings seem like mere blueprints.

Stubbornly refusing to engage with almost every fundamental musical tool available (the chord, melody, choruses, even the musical change), The Cool Greenhouse have somehow managed to compile an album of eleven songs that often comes astonishingly close to pop. Their attachment to long songs with single hooks that steamroll through their entireties has not abated, but neither has their inexplicable knack for keeping these strange creatures alarmingly engaging and accessible when by all logic they should be irritatingly avant-garde. It shouldn’t work on so many levels, but it absolutely does.

A large part of what makes this a winning formula is frontman Tom Greenhouse’s way with words. Frequently topical and clearly political in some sense, Greenhouse’s lyrics side-step the on-the-nose delivery of traditional yawn-inducing political rock in favour of a strange idiosyncratic blend of pop culture snippets, patchwork narratives and oblique literary references. Bursting with humour and irony, the album deftly meanders from Rotary Club jumble sales to Margaret Thatcher’s living room to futuristic voyages into musical VR, taking aim at the gammon classes, rural conservatism and a host of other late-capitalist absurdities with razor-sharp wit along the way.

Discovering that The Cool Greenhouse’s first 7” magically mentioned his own name, producer, sound engineer and mixer Phil Booth (Sleaford Mods, The Wave Pictures) invited the group to record the album in his JT Soar studio in Nottingham. The old potato-packing warehouse offered the ideal working environment for the band, who recorded the album over seven days as live between kipping on its couches, 4am whiskey-soaked sessions and Mario Kart ’64 on demand. “The sessions were stuffed with weird little synchronistic miracles” Tom tells. “Discussing a song then seeing its title on a shop window, finding things in pubs straight out of our songs…these zapped me onto some sort of Jungian plane where I didn’t need to sleep and knew exactly what to do.”

Having sufficiently impressed Melodic Records enough for them to sign them on the basis of their first ever show, the band have continued to delight and disorientate live audiences in equal measure, supporting the likes of The Stroppies and Do Nothing. Also championed by DIY and 6 music, their upward trajectory shows no sign of halting as they prepare for their Great Escape debut, with a host of other festival appearances yet to be announced.


releases May 29, 2020


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Track Name: The Sticks
Well you can go a bit nuts out here
Spending all day looking for your cigarettes or your glasses
Or plugged into high-minded conspiracy theories
About all the piano-playing cats,
Trained by the government and uploaded by devious civil servants 
to subdue your mind
And I guess that’s why they say that musical pets 
are the new opiates of the masses
But just don’t forget 
That nobody actually says that 

And It’s true
The true oddballs are stationed in the market towns
And all you meet 
are ex-military personnel 
with dark browsing histories 
Or children’s entertainers 
with questionable intentions
And all the village shops
And all the village shops are definitely manned by robots

So is this the kind of catharsis you were  after?
Strange shapes appear in the mirror when you’re not there
And you can hear people’s skin crack at regular intervals
When the sun comes out
They’re all engaged in projects of a strange nature:
Fixing watches at the weekends
Or handing out unintelligible leaflets  
for no reason
They’ve got your number
They’ll be seeing you
Better stay in from here on in…

And sometimes when you close your eyes
There’s grinning Jimmy Saville’s painted on your inner eyelids
Other times it’s Yoko Ono’s on treadmills 
stretching out into infinity
Or there’s Kermit the frog doing up his flies 
On the beach on repeat
These things all reinforce the need 
for a proper occupation

Find clipped toenails still growing near the basin
A little camera in the shape of a bit of eggshell in the bread bin 
Surveillance wires disguised as bits of spaghetti 
down the side of the oven

Today the birds are flying unusually low to the ground
And the insects are flying unusually close to the clouds
There’s all sorts of inversions that you need to get your head around
Clerical workers are lurking in the long grass
With remote controls, dog shit bags and their sons
And God only knows, what they’ve been feeding the ducks
And God only knows, what they’ve been feeding the ducks
And God only knows, what they’ve been feeding the ducks

Make some elderflower wine, or some sourdough
Well that’s the kind of thing you’re meant to do around here
Wrap it up in old brown paper and you can sell it for a fortune
To all the city weekenders 

If only you didn’t have the weird feeling 
that your arm is not your arm.

And the strange plants growing in the outcrop near the village
Have been plagiarising your dreams. 

And everything’s conducted in hushed tones
In the market towns 

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