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Cardboard Man

from Crap Cardboard Pet by The Cool Greenhouse

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      £1 GBP  or more

     

  • Limited Edition Cassette
    Cassette + Digital Album

    Run of 70 green tapes released via Hidden Bay records.

    Comes with a hand-made artisanal crap cardboard pet!

    Includes unlimited streaming of Crap Cardboard Pet via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Sold Out

  • Limited Edition 10'' Vinyl
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Edition of 200 copies courtesy of Lumpy Records (USA). Includes:

    1 x 10'' vinyl record with hand-stamped red ink labels
    1 x mint green card wrap-around card sleeve
    1 x paper poster insert by Russell Taysom (black)
    1 x unique 'crap cardboard pet' (small)

    All proceeds will go towards the mixing and mastering costs of the Cool Greenhouse's forthcoming debut album

    Includes unlimited streaming of Crap Cardboard Pet via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Sold Out

  • SUPER DELUXE HYPER LIMITED 10" VINYL
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Limited to 25 copies worldwide only.

    Each Super Deluxe Hyper Limited Version Includes:

    1 x 10'' vinyl record with hand-stamped red ink labels
    1 x mint green card wrap-around card sleeve, (signed and numbered for this edition only)
    1 x paper poster insert by Russell Taysom (black)
    1 x unique 'crap cardboard pet' (small)

    PLUS

    1 x hyper limited red risographed art print on high-quality card (Munken Pure, 240gsm) by Russell Taysom (limited to 25 copies only, signed and numbered verso)
    1 x unique 'good cardboard pet' (colourful acrylic on cardboard, signed verso, large)

    All proceeds will go towards the mixing and mastering costs of the Cool Greenhouse's forthcoming debut album.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Crap Cardboard Pet via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ... more

    Sold Out

about

"Cardboard Man" is the lead single from the Cool Greenhouse's Crap Cardboard Pet EP, out now on cassette on Hidden Bay Records.

"6 minutes of monotone Delta 5 riffing, in a shotgun marriage with retro bleeps and bloops, frontman Tom Greenhouse assembles an array of caustic cut up one liners that take cheap shots at all the morally bankrupt, devious, 'Cardboard' men (questioning too, whether he is also cardboard – I think we're all a bit cardboard, baby)." - See You Mate Magazine

lyrics

Well I love the women
Y'know they're so good at cooking
And I love the coloureds
They're just so damn good-looking
I even love the gays,
Y'know one does my haircutting
And when I see a pig's head
Y'know I think of...nothing

Cause I'm a cardboard man
Yes I'm a cardboard man
Well my thoughts are all cardboard
I'm just like my old man

And I'm down with the kids
Cause my facts are alternative
And I won strictly come dancing
Oh without even trying
And I've got a nasty coke habit
Good thing you know nothing about it
I've got medium-sized hands
There's no two ways about it

I'm a cardboard man
I'm a cardboard cut-out
Yes I'm a cardboard man
Oh I'm made of wet cardboard (white cardboard)

My favourite metal is gold
My favourite liquid is water
My favourite gas is hot air
And I love Harry Potter
Y'know I'm a West Ham supporter
Or was it Aston Villa?
Well you can see right through me
I'm like a glass of water

Cause I'm a cardboard man
Yes I'm a cardboard man
And I'm a cardboard cut-out
Oh of a cardboard cut-out
Of a cardboard man

Take a photo of me
Down your local boozer
I'm just an ordinary geezer
But with a Smeg fridge-freezer
And I care about everyone
As much as cardboard can
I didn't ask to be comfortable
Well pity the white man
Y'know I'm a laid back guy
I never ask for trouble
but if you look at me funny
I'm gonna drop a bomb on your hospital

And I did not have sexual relations with that woman
Or with that pig

Now throw tomatoes
At the cardboard man
Throw all your tomatoes
As hard as you can
And if you've got a lettice
Well you can throw that too
Oh throw all your vegetables
At this cardboard fool

credits

from Crap Cardboard Pet, released June 28, 2019
Music and lyrics by The Cool Greenhouse.

Mastered by Joe Caithness Mastering.

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

The Cool Greenhouse UK

music to lose scratch-cards to.

compliments: thecoolgreenhouse@gmail.com

label: andy@melodic.co.uk

bookings: thecoolgreenhouse@gmail.com

give us money: patreon.com/tgreenhouse
... more

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