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  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    - Black Vinyl
    - Red OBI Strip
    - Matt Black Inner Sleeve
    - Reverse board outer sleeve
    - Double-sided 12" insert on matte art paper
    - Download code included

    Includes unlimited streaming of The Cool Greenhouse (album) via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 2 days
    Purchasable with gift card

      £18 GBP or more 

     

  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    'The Cool Greenhouse' on CD in card digi-sleeve.

    Includes unlimited streaming of The Cool Greenhouse (album) via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 2 days
    Purchasable with gift card

      £10 GBP or more 

     

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      £1 GBP  or more

     

  • Buy the Full Digital Album

  • Limited Transparent Green Vinyl + Mystery Seeds
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Available on CD & special Melodic Records edition (limited to 300 copies) on transparent green vinyl, exclusively available through The Cool Greenhouse Bandcamp & Melodic shop.

    Melodic limited copies come with an envelope containing mystery seeds. The first person to germinate their seeds and send the label a picture of their plant will receive the original album cover painting by frontman Tom Greenhouse! The person to grow the tallest plant by the end of the year will receive an exclusive mystery prize.

    - Limited to 300 Copies on transparent green vinyl
    - Red OBI Strip
    - Packet of Cool Greenhouse Mystery Seeds
    - Matt Black Inner Sleeve
    - Reverse board outer sleeve
    - Double-sided 12" insert on matte art paper
    - Download code included

    Includes unlimited streaming of The Cool Greenhouse (album) via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.     ... more

    Sold Out

about

CARDBOARD MAN = zinger-replete dig at the gammon classes + vocalist’s mum.

lyrics

Well I love the women
Y'know they're so good at cooking
And I love the coloureds
They're just so damn good-looking
I even love the gays,
Y'know one does my haircutting
And when I see a pig's head
Y'know I think of...nothing

Cause I'm a cardboard man
Yes I'm a cardboard man
Well my thoughts are all cardboard
I'm just like my old man

And I'm down with the kids
Cause my facts are alternative
And I won strictly come dancing
Oh without even trying
And I've got a nasty coke habit
Good thing you know nothing about it
I've got medium-sized hands
There's no two ways about it

I'm a cardboard man
I'm a cardboard cut-out
Yes I'm a cardboard man
Oh I'm made of wet cardboard (white cardboard)

My favourite metal is gold
My favourite liquid is water
My favourite gas is hot air
And I love Harry Potter
Y'know I'm a West Ham supporter
Or was it Aston Villa?
Well you can see right through me
I'm like a glass of water

Cause I'm a cardboard man
Yes I'm a cardboard man
And I'm a cardboard cut-out
Oh of a cardboard cut-out
Of a cardboard man

Take a photo of me
Down your local boozer
I'm just an ordinary geezer
But with a Smeg fridge-freezer
And I care about everyone
As much as cardboard can
I didn't ask to be comfortable
Well pity the white man
Y'know I'm a laid back guy
I never ask for trouble
but if you look at me funny
I'm gonna drop a bomb on your hospital

And I did not have sexual relations with that woman
Or with that pig

Now throw tomatoes
At the cardboard man
Throw all your tomatoes
As hard as you can
And if you've got a lettice
Well you can throw that too
Oh throw all your vegetables
At this cardboard fool

credits

from The Cool Greenhouse (album), released May 29, 2020

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

The Cool Greenhouse image

The Cool Greenhouse UK

music to lose scratch-cards to.

compliments: thecoolgreenhouse@gmail.com

label: andy@melodic.co.uk

bookings: thecoolgreenhouse@gmail.com

give us money: patreon.com/tgreenhouse ... more

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