We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.
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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      £1 GBP  or more

     

  • Buy the Full Digital Album

  • Limited Edition Cassette
    Cassette + Digital Album

    Run of 70 green tapes released via Hidden Bay records.

    Comes with a hand-made artisanal crap cardboard pet!

    Includes unlimited streaming of Crap Cardboard Pet via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Sold Out

  • Limited Edition 10'' Vinyl
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Edition of 200 copies courtesy of Lumpy Records (USA). Includes:

    1 x 10'' vinyl record with hand-stamped red ink labels
    1 x mint green card wrap-around card sleeve
    1 x paper poster insert by Russell Taysom (black)
    1 x unique 'crap cardboard pet' (small)

    All proceeds will go towards the mixing and mastering costs of the Cool Greenhouse's forthcoming debut album

    Includes unlimited streaming of Crap Cardboard Pet via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Sold Out

  • SUPER DELUXE HYPER LIMITED 10" VINYL
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Limited to 25 copies worldwide only.

    Each Super Deluxe Hyper Limited Version Includes:

    1 x 10'' vinyl record with hand-stamped red ink labels
    1 x mint green card wrap-around card sleeve, (signed and numbered for this edition only)
    1 x paper poster insert by Russell Taysom (black)
    1 x unique 'crap cardboard pet' (small)

    PLUS

    1 x hyper limited red risographed art print on high-quality card (Munken Pure, 240gsm) by Russell Taysom (limited to 25 copies only, signed and numbered verso)
    1 x unique 'good cardboard pet' (colourful acrylic on cardboard, signed verso, large)

    All proceeds will go towards the mixing and mastering costs of the Cool Greenhouse's forthcoming debut album.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Crap Cardboard Pet via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.     ... more

    Sold Out

about

The Cool Greenhouse proselytize about religion and Art...

lyrics

Well I like my sums to be hard
And I like my sculptures to be made of lard
And I like my crosswords to be done in advance
And I like my rhymes to be crap
And I like my paintings to be quarter-arsed
And I like my music to be falling apart
And I like my newspapers to be turned into masks
And I like my rhymes to be crap...and repetitive

Well thank God for crap art
Yes thank your God for crap art
Well at least its a start
Yes thank your God for crap art

And I like my liquids to be fluid
And I like my singles to be long
Well that's good value for money
And I like my bands to be one
And I like my angles to be obtuse
Or acute, I don't mind
And I like my sevens to be sevens
One after six
And I like my pavements to be strewn with broken bricks

Well thank God for crap art
Yes thank your God for crap art
Well at least its a start
Yes thank your God for crap art

And I'm not talking about David Shrigley here
Y'know he's really good...good for coffee shops
I'm more talking about a pigeon that gets trapped in a conservatory
With a load of house paints
And then it can't escape

So go to your crap church
And pray to your crap God
And thank your God for crap art
Well at least it's a start

And I said to God I said "Hey God!"
He said "Yes, Tom?"
I said "Well what do you think about my position here?"
He said "Well I like my art to be good. I like the Sistine chapel. But I can see your angle."
I said "Thanks God. Y'know you always were so understanding."

And remember making art is really hard
Don't do yourself down
It's OK to make crap
In fact it's refreshing
'Cause a monkey can use photoshop
And a child can use Final Cut Pro X
to make everything feel the same

And the other day a big corporation approached me
And they asked if they could co-opt my crap art
Because they mistakenly thought they saw a kind of misguided authenticity in it
That they would want to co-opt
This was 3.4 seconds after I posted it on the internet
I thought they had the wrong idea
But I said yes
And now I live in a mansion
It costs too much to keep warm
And I'm still paying off my advance
Behold my cold mansion!
Behold my crap mansion!

Well thank God for crap art
Yes thank your God for crap art
Well at least its a start
Yes thank your God for crap art
The crapper the better

And you better thank your God
For crap art
Y'know it's the best start
And you better thank your God

Amen.

credits

from Crap Cardboard Pet, released June 28, 2019
Music and lyrics by The Cool Greenhouse.

Mastered by Joe Caithness Mastering.

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

The Cool Greenhouse image

The Cool Greenhouse UK

music to lose scratch-cards to.

compliments: thecoolgreenhouse@gmail.com

label: andy@melodic.co.uk

bookings: thecoolgreenhouse@gmail.com

give us money: patreon.com/tgreenhouse ... more

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