1. |
Landlords
02:58
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There goes your new Landlord
His dog is bull his car is sports
And don't you know that your labour paid
For his new personalised number plates?
They read "kill all scroungers" if you squint your eyes
The 's' is a '5', the 'g' is a '9',
He says "Don't you know you should feel lucky to be alive?"
Don't you know you should be lucky to be alive...
Just look outside, you know the streets are even more deprived
So be thankful for your hard-earned bed
It's no matter that I've got ten (and they're four-poster)
It costs 200 quid to get on the contract
Well imagine that, oh you couldn't make this stuff up
And then a few months later when you discover some dry rot
He says "refer it to the council"
He says "I'm sorry but my hands are completely tied"
"you've got to refer it to the council"
Welcome to generation rent
And here's to the gradual erosion
Of our collective expectations
at the hands of crooked landlords
Who are complete morons
Oh the walls are cracked, the room is small
There's a strange smell of fish in the corridor
And when you decide that it's time for bed
The trains still rattle past your head
And when the room fills up with mice
You'd think that he could at least be nice
But instead he calls you a filthy swine
And after avoiding your call for the fiftieth time
He says "I'm sorry but my hands are completely tied"
"you've got to refer it to the council"
So you refer it to the council...
And they keep you on hold, for three days
The hold music is Erik Satie's gymnopedies
It almost drives you completely insane
But eventually a chimpanzee picks up the phone
I mean a real chimpanzee
You know I'm no snob
He says "Why don't you get a real bloody job
huh?
Well just take a look at me,
Y'know I used to sit around at London Zoo
Now I've got a pretty good job answering phones for the council
And I'm saving up for a nice semi-detached in Hounslow"
He says "I'm sorry but my hands are completely tied"
"you've got to refer it to your landlord"
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2. |
4chan
04:06
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Well I ate my Christmas dinner from a can,
Y’know I didn’t want to interrupt my festive COD marathon,
Started up, completely unclothed
Well there’s no point in dressing, for these times
Harrassed some snowflakes, for the lulz
Well they’ve got to learn that offence is a part of life
And dicks out for old Harambe
I’m not alone, I’m online
And I’m on 4Chan
I’m into /pol/ and /b/
And it feels…“feels good man”
To be making history
And today I’ve photoshopped fourteen photographs
Of Tyler Durden, and good old Patrick Bateman
And now my Steam account has two new followers
And I’ve spammed some feminists with troll faces
I’m cooling on pig’s blood, and I’m GeekBenching over seven thousand
Why I’m incel, I’ll never comprehend
And they say the kids can’t accomplish anything these days
But then again, they’re way behind
And I’m on 4Chan
I’m into /mu/ and /v/
And it feels…“feels good man”
And I’m gonna kill normies
But who you gonna call?
Oh when the boards are slow, or the server’s down
Well not Kristen Wiig, that’s for sure
Have another crank, by the window
I said, who you gonna call?
Oh when you can’t bear the noise of it and you finally see through it all
And then you decide sell all your cryptos
Well you’re just some just some dude who decided to stay at home
On 4Chan
Drawing pictures of cartoon frogs
And pissing all over everyone
For no reason
And they think it’s Russia
But there’s no rest for the wicked
Well someone’s gotta keep an eye on all these beta cucks
I’m forever alone
forever alone
forever alone
And I’m bound.
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The Cool Greenhouse UK
music to lose scratch-cards to.
compliments:
thecoolgreenhouse@gmail.com
label: andy@melodic.co.uk
bookings: thecoolgreenhouse@gmail.com
give us money: patreon.com/tgreenhouse
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